Did You Hear The One About…?
Did you hear the one about Heraclitus? Well I bet you haven’t heard this version.
Did you hear the one about Foot? It kills.
Did you hear the one about Nagel? It’s absurd, but you should be okay with that.
Did you hear Parmenides about the one?
Did you hear the one about Kant? No? Really? Everyone has been telling it.
Did you hear the one about Wittgenstein? No, not that one, the other one.
Sigh…the joke about Parmenides is always the same. At least it never gets old.
Did you hear the one about J.J. Thomson? It’s off the hook.
Did you hear the one about Nagel? It’s batty.
Did you hear the one about L.A. Paul? I guess you had to be there.
Did you hear the one about Bernard Williams? It’s an inside joke, I guess.
Did you hear the one about Frankfurt? I can’t even.
Are you sure you heard the one about Descartes?
If you had heard the one about Lewis, you would have laughed your ass off.
Did you hear the one about Berkeley? In the name of the Lord why not?
Did you hear the one about Zeno? Did you hear the first half of it? Did you hear the first quarter of it? . . .
Did you hear the one about van Fraassen? Then explain it to me.
I wanted to do one on Zeno but couldn’t get started.
Did you hear the one about Aristotle? It was pretty average.
Did you hear the one about Nozick? What an experience.
Did you here the one about Anselm? There’s none better.
Did you hear the one about Lewis? It was outta this world.
Did you hear the one about Epicurus? DEAD
The one about Aristotle is just mean.
It should have read: “Did you hear the one about Aristotle? It was pretty mean.”
Did you hear the one about the pedant? Close. It actually goes like this.
Did you hear the one about Goodman? It’s NSFW because he worked grue.
It will be NSFW, but not yet.
Did you hear the one about Hobbes? It’s nasty, brutish, and short.
Did you hear the one about Benatar? Hmm… I’d better not.
Did you hear the one about Parfit? Did you hear the two others about Parfit that were each a bit more than half as good as that one? Did you hear the four more about Parfit that were each a bit more than half as good as each of those two?…
Did you hear the one about Hume? It was without cause.
Do you want to want to hear the one about Frankfurt?
And do you want to want to hear it?
Oops. That comment was bullshit.
Did you hear the one about all the ones that aren’t about Russell?
Did you hear an x, such that x is about Russell, and for all y, if y is about Russell then y = x?
Don’t repeat the one about Brian Leiter.
He will sue you.
Did you hear the one about Hume? Yes? Well just because it wasn’t funny yesterday, or the day before…
Did you hear the one about Berkeley? No matter.
Did you hear the new one about Hume? Well, if you’ve heard all of the others, you can imagine how it goes.
Did you hear the one about Mill? It’s laughable, which is the sole evidence that its funny.
Did you tell anyone that you heard the one about Skinner?
Did you hear the one about Quine? It doesn’t translate very well.
Did you hear the one about Rawls? You did? Okay, well, pretend you haven’t heard it…
Did you here the ones about Kant on space and time? They’re phenomenal.
I’m all ears.
Did you hear the one about Susan Wolf? No? Oh well, doesn’t matter.
Did you hear the one about G.E. Moore? It was unnaturally good.
Did you hear the one from the philosopher who tells jokes about all and only the philosophers who do not tell jokes about themselves?
Did you hear the one about Dreier? It’s consequential.
Did you hear the one about Nozick’s third condition? It’s sensitive.
And I’ll see myself out.
Did you hear the one about Camus? Talk about a rolling stone…
You won’t believe the one about Churchland.
Did you hear the most recent version of the one about Chisholm?
Did you hear the one about Klein? You won’t stop laughing.
The one about Blackburn was so funny it was irreal.
I’m here all week.
Did you hear the one about the Journal of Philosophy? No? Just wait 18 months
Not going to be the first to do a joke on the Liar.
Or, one on Putnam.
— Actually, I change my mind about Putnam.
Did you hear the one about Nagarjuna? Did you not hear it? Did you both hear and not hear it? Did you neither hear nor not hear it?
Did you hear the one about Eubulides? Well, listen again, it gets better gradually.
Did you hear The One about Plotinus?
Did you hear the one about Hume? It’s a matter of taste.
Did you hear the one about the modal logicians? It was possibly funny but not necessarily so.
Did you hear the one about the dialethic logician? I did and I didn’t.
Did you hear the one about Fichte, Schelling, and Hegel? It was Absolutely Ideal.
“Did you hear The One about Plotinus?”
Nope, that One’s beyond my grasp..
Did you hear the one about Strawson? He resented it.
Did you hear the one about Jerry Cohen? Then share it with everyone.
Did you hear the one about Rawls? No, I was behind the Veil of Ignorance.
Did you hear the one about Dancy? It shifted its valence to not funny.
Did you hear the other one about Levinas?
Did you hear the one about Rousseau? Everyone agrees that it’s hilarious.
Did someone closely R related to you hear the one about Parfit?
Did someone who remembers what you remember hear the one about Locke?
Did you hear the one about Aquinas? Objection 1. It would seem that it is not about Aquinas, but rather about the soul. Because the punchline is “the soul.” But the soul and Aquinas are separate things. Therefore it is not about Aquinas. Objection 2. Further, jokes are only about their punchlines, as stated in Metaph i, 3. On the contrary, The Apostle says (Romans 5:7) that the joke is about Aquinas. I answer that, a joke can have multiple topics, and that one of the topics of this joke is Aquinas. Reply to Objection 1. If the topic of a joke were only its punchline, the topic of the joke would indeed be “the soul.” But the topic of the joke need not be its punchline. And as stated above, a joke can have more than one topic. Reply to Objection 2. What has been said above suffices as a reply to Objection 2.
Did you hear the one about Nussbaum? I’m not sure I’m capable of retelling it, but I’ll try.
It’s an award-winning joke.
Did you hear the one about Fricker? You say you’re the one who originally told me that joke? I don’t believe you.
Did you hear the one about Nozick? Everyone who hears it is no worse off than they would have been had nobody told the joke in the first place.
Did you hear the one about Rorty? It’s very ironic.
Did you hear the one about Korsgaard? You did? Now that you’re reflecting on it, what do you think about it?
Did you hear the one about Elster? You’ve already heard it? That’s okay, I didn’t want to tell it anyways. It’s not very funny.
Did your cell phone record the one about Clark and Chalmers?
Did you hear the one about Temkin? You thought it was better than the second one about Temkin? Well, I’ve got a joke that’s better than the first, although it’s not better than the second.
Did you hear the one about Nietzsche? Would you be willing to hear it over and over again, forever?
Did you hear the one about Wertheimer? That joke always strikes me as exploitative.
Did you hear the one about Scanlon? You owe it to me to give it a listen.
I was going to tell you the one about personal identity, but then I changed my mind.
I’ll tell you one about pop quiz later in the week, but then it won’t be a surprise.
I’d tell you one about the a priori, but you probably already know it.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the explanatory gap?
A: To get to the reason why.
ok. i’m done.
Did you hear the one about Heidegger? You had to be there.
Did you hear the one about Arendt? It’s banal.
Did you hear the one about Spinoza? Naturally.
Did you hear the one about Austin? I love what that joke does with words.
Did you hear the one about Singer? Wasn’t there a better use for your time?
You haven’t heard the one about C.I. Lewis? Well, that’s a given.
Did you hear the one about Dewey? It’s quite educational.
Did you hear the one about Sellars? It’s actually a myth.
Did you hear the one about Hegel? It is the Absolute best joke I’ve ever heard.
Did you hear the other one about Hegel? You’ll know if you recognize it.
Did you hear the one about Alex Rosenberg? You might think it’s funny, but humour is an illusion.
Did you hear the one about Rousseau? Man, that guy sure loves himself.
Did you hear the other one about Rousseau? Shut up, Hume, you’re always stealing my stuff!
Did you hear the one about Foucault? Count yourself lucky then, because it was sheer torture.
Did you hear the one about Deleuze and Guattari? It was hard to follow, but it definitely wasn’t about their mothers and fathers.
Did you hear the one about the one about the tree falling in the forest? Neither did I.