Ruin a Date with a Philosopher in 5 Words


The Chronicle of Higher Education reports on a recent twitter tag: #RuinADateWithAnAcademicInFiveWords. There are a few philosophers chiming in. One of the best so far: @Ethicistforhire with “Doesn’t science make philosophy obsolete?

I think this calls for a Ruin A Date With A Philosopher in 5 Words thread.

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BrokePhilosopher
BrokePhilosopher
6 years ago

Who reads Hegel any more?Report

Christopher Hitchcock
6 years ago

Philosophy? I’m into Ayn Rand.Report

genius
genius
6 years ago

Let me see your handsReport

SCM
SCM
6 years ago

“So what is your philosophy?”Report

Kristopher
Kristopher
6 years ago

“That’s just true for you.”Report

Jonathan Ichikawa
6 years ago

Are you analyzing me now?Report

anongrad
anongrad
6 years ago

“Well, it’s all relative anyway.”Report

Nada Gligorov
Nada Gligorov
6 years ago

What does a philosopher actually do?Report

anongrad2
anongrad2
6 years ago

“That’s only true for you.”Report

Alan White
Alan White
6 years ago

You walk on slippery rocks?Report

anongrad3
anongrad3
6 years ago

“Philosophy? That’s like magic, right?” (I actually got this once…)Report

A wise philosopher
A wise philosopher
6 years ago

“I love reading Daily Nous.”Report

Minh Nguyen
Minh Nguyen
6 years ago

Why are you into witchcraft?Report

m k
m k
6 years ago

And You’re Supposedly A PsychologistReport

Rich Booher
Rich Booher
6 years ago

“I loved psychology in college”Report

mrd
mrd
6 years ago

No thanks, I don’t drink.Report

Richard Hanley
Richard Hanley
6 years ago

But that begs the question…Report

Alastair Norcross
6 years ago

So, what’s it all about? (A cabdriver once asked Bertrand Russell this)Report

anon grad
anon grad
6 years ago

“I’m a professional philosopher, too!”Report

Anon Grad Student
Anon Grad Student
6 years ago

“What’s the meaning of life?”Report

Sherri Lynn Conklin
6 years ago

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate…”Report

uh no
uh no
6 years ago

“Really? Tell me your sayings!”Report

anonymous
anonymous
6 years ago

“You’re in private practice, right?”Report

Nick
Nick
6 years ago

I thought you’d be weirder.Report

@BerlinianFox
@BerlinianFox
6 years ago

“The study of fossils, right?” (Yes, someone did actually say this to me once.)Report

Mark Alfano
6 years ago

So, you’re a barista, then?Report

Anon
Anon
6 years ago

“So you’re a preacher, right?”Report

Thomas Jacobi
Thomas Jacobi
6 years ago

Everyone is a philosopher, kindaReport

Ordinal
Ordinal
6 years ago

You better be absolutely sure.Report

JT
JT
6 years ago

“My personal philosophy is _______________.”Report

Andrew
Andrew
6 years ago

Let’s talk about Žižek’s latest!Report

David Morgan
David Morgan
6 years ago

“Cool, I’m an atheist too.”Report

Anne Pollok
6 years ago

There’s this joke about Kant (fill in whatever philosopher comes to mind that you actually cherish)….Report

Daniel Silvermint
Daniel Silvermint
6 years ago

“What ‘research’? You read books!”Report

Dale Miller
6 years ago

“Jesus is my favorite philosopher.”Report

Rebecca Kukla
Rebecca Kukla
6 years ago

I am on a spiritual journey.Report

Rebecca Kukla
Rebecca Kukla
6 years ago

So are you an adjunct?Report

mm
mm
6 years ago

That’s defamation per se!Report

Rebecca Kukla
Rebecca Kukla
6 years ago

So do you have tenure?Report

Rebecca Kukla
Rebecca Kukla
6 years ago

What philosophers do you study/like?Report

E
E
6 years ago

Do you the Philosopher’s Song?Report

E
E
6 years ago

You know the Philosopher’s Song?Report

Daniel Silvermint
Daniel Silvermint
6 years ago

“Define ‘sort of a doctor’…?”Report

John Protevi
John Protevi
6 years ago

“We need a new metablog”Report

E Springer
E Springer
6 years ago

Ethics, that’s what’s missing nowadays…Report

Anonymous
Anonymous
6 years ago

I’m a big fan of John Protevi!Report

aaa
aaa
6 years ago

Wanna join the Genius Project?Report

Anon
Anon
6 years ago

Oh, I self-published a book of my own philosophy.Report

Anonymous
Anonymous
6 years ago

You mean chakras and stuff?Report

Glenn
6 years ago

Upworthy really makes me think.Report

Evan
Evan
6 years ago

“Have you read The Secret?”Report

lAaron Garrett
lAaron Garrett
6 years ago

I dig astrology too!Report

AnonGrad
AnonGrad
6 years ago

Why would this ruin a date?Report

Nick Byrd
6 years ago

So you’ve read Eckhart Tolle?
So you’ve read Deepak Chopra?
So you’ve read Wendell Berry?
So you’ve read ________________?Report

Charles Malone
Charles Malone
6 years ago

“Like to hear yourself talk?”Report

Ed
Ed
6 years ago

So. Many. Times.Report

John Protevi
John Protevi
6 years ago

“Do you even lift bro?”Report

Marnina
6 years ago

Who is your favourite philosopher?Report

FindX
FindX
6 years ago

Philosophy? I watch Youtube too!Report

dmg
dmg
6 years ago

“I thought they’re all dead” or “Wait, people still do that?”Report

Litsch
6 years ago

Well, so, you’re studying psychology, right?Report

Konrad Talmont-Kaminski
Konrad Talmont-Kaminski
6 years ago

Oh, I just love Coehlo!Report

Julian
Julian
6 years ago

oh that’s cool … (awkward silence, person doesnt know what else to say)Report

Mk71
6 years ago

“So you’re into theories, hunh?Report

Erik
Erik
6 years ago

“Huh. Confucius says, ‘check please!'”Report

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
6 years ago

Asking questions you can’t answer?Report

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
6 years ago

“philosophy, right, that’s really deep”Report

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
6 years ago

…but you can’t prove philosophyReport

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
6 years ago

“…it’s all just made up”Report

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
6 years ago

or to really get things fired up “philosophy? but that’s just bullshit!”Report

aanonn
aanonn
6 years ago

Who should pay for this?Report

Joshua Miller
6 years ago

So where’s your TED talk?Report

Christopher Gillen
Christopher Gillen
6 years ago

“The Bible is my philosophy.”Report

Antonio Reyes
Antonio Reyes
6 years ago

Heidegger? Yes, he was NaziReport

algol
algol
6 years ago

So tell me about Nietzsche.Report

anonycat
anonycat
6 years ago

Don’tcha recognize me from class?Report

Dale Miller
6 years ago

Do you like L. Ron Hubbard? (I got this one once from a mechanic as he was driving me from the shop to my office. I considered opening the door and tumbling out into traffic.)Report

Brian
Brian
6 years ago

OK, but what’s your career?Report

Dr. Strangelove
Dr. Strangelove
6 years ago

How many students are you dating?Report

Dr. Strangelove
Dr. Strangelove
6 years ago

I’m really into metaphysics too. Have you read Ken Wilber?Report

Daniel Fincke
6 years ago

“Like Pilates and Aristotle, right?” (this was actually said to me)Report

newfie931
newfie931
6 years ago

Doctor of Philosophy in philosophy?Report

Stephen Wright
6 years ago

“I’m really into the supernatural”Report

caiopcpaiva
caiopcpaiva
6 years ago

“So, what am I thinking?”Report

Hryzunik
Hryzunik
6 years ago

If that’s what makes you happy…Report

MGaerlan
MGaerlan
6 years ago

“Dawkins said philosophy is dead”Report

Ben
Ben
6 years ago

“Is that a proper job?”Report

Hryzunik
Hryzunik
6 years ago

“If that makes you happy…” philosophers can’t even count…Report

Dan Linford
Dan Linford
6 years ago

“What’s that useful for?”
“Don’t you know that only academics read journals? Why would write things no one reads?”
“I hated philosophy in college.”
“I tried reading some philosophy once. I didn’t like it because they made too many Assumptions.”
“Lawrence Krauss and Stephen Hawking have shown that philosophy is all obselete bullshit.”
“What’s your personal philosophy?”
“It’s all just relative.”
“I think that ethics is like having preferences for different pairs of socks.” (After telling someone that I teach ethics.)
“You don’t have data; you’re not doing research.”
“Why would you want to be in school for so long? It’s so pointless and costs so much money.”Report

come on
come on
6 years ago

“Can you count to five?”Report

SLH
SLH
6 years ago

“Metaphyics? I’m a shaman, myself.”Report

Grace
6 years ago

“Have you seen The Matrix?”Report

Austin Baker
Austin Baker
6 years ago

You sit around thinking, right?Report

John Appleby
John Appleby
6 years ago

Derrida, Russell – Same thing, right?Report

Amy
Amy
6 years ago

“I hate arguments and debates.”Report

Plato
Plato
6 years ago

So you believe in truth.Report

Plato
Plato
6 years ago

You’re obviously an ethical person.Report

Plato
Plato
6 years ago

So you are very wise.Report

Beth
6 years ago

“I love reading the early analytics!”Report

DRS
DRS
6 years ago

So you do drugs, then?Report

Anon.
6 years ago

Oh yeah? Tell me my future. (I got this once from someone who thought philosophers were the same as psychics.)Report

James Woodbridge
James Woodbridge
6 years ago

“Logic? We already deconstructed that.”Report

Robin
Robin
6 years ago

Well, it IS Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in England…..Report

Norman
Norman
6 years ago

Wait. What’s research in philosophy?Report

Brian
Brian
6 years ago

I guess I’m buying dinner?Report

James Woodbridge
James Woodbridge
6 years ago

“Well, maybe in YOUR reality…”Report

Pants
Pants
6 years ago

I hated philosophy in college.Report

Julie
Julie
6 years ago

Wow, that’s a big moneymaker.
Oh wow! What’s your philosophy?
Oh wow! I love Freud/Ayn Rand/etc.!Report

antoinette
antoinette
6 years ago

I’m a Sagittarius…and you?Report

Chris Frey
Chris Frey
6 years ago

i love their lip glossReport

Mike
Mike
6 years ago

Ed Wilson said philosophy’s finished.Report

Daniel Fincke
6 years ago

“Are there any living philosophers?”Report

dubitabam
dubitabam
6 years ago

I don’t believe you existReport

Jeff Zavadil
Jeff Zavadil
6 years ago

Neuroscience makes philosophy obsolete, right?Report

Lydia
Lydia
6 years ago

“What’s the meaning of life?”Report

Patrick Beach
Patrick Beach
6 years ago

If you can’t do, teach!Report

Nancy Bauer
Nancy Bauer
6 years ago

You must be so smart!Report

aanonn
aanonn
6 years ago

Usually I date successful men.Report

PPC
PPC
6 years ago

Responses I’ve actually gotten when I’ve told someone I’m studying philosophy:

“I’m really into magic crystals.”

“What’s your relationship with Jesus?”Report

Pumping Iron
6 years ago

“Look at you, you have no muscles!”Report

Eva Dadlez
Eva Dadlez
6 years ago

“But everyone’s a philosopher, right?”
(Real quote from an administrator. To which I responded “Yes, but some of you are amateurs.”)Report

Carl
Carl
6 years ago

So which philosopher do you follow?Report

Gowtham
Gowtham
6 years ago

You’re a hedonist doing philosophy!?Report

michaela
michaela
6 years ago

“Do you know David Chalmers??”Report

Ricky G
Ricky G
6 years ago

You must be SO deep.Report

Anon
Anon
6 years ago

So, what are your sayings?Report

Dora
Dora
6 years ago

“It’s all an illusion, just stop thinking.”Report

Wolf
Wolf
6 years ago

Are you a Rationalist?Report

Wolf
Wolf
6 years ago

Is it worth the income?Report

Zara
Zara
6 years ago

I really like philosophy blogs.Report

Morton Winston
Morton Winston
6 years ago

Tell me, what IS the meaning of life?Report

Charles Pigden
Charles Pigden
6 years ago

Annoying on so many levels, one being that Dawkins almost certainly never said this.Report

Neil G
Neil G
6 years ago

“When was the wheel invented?” (Got this once from a dentist)Report

Criss
Criss
6 years ago

Let’s just agree to disagree…Report

Alfred
6 years ago

“I don’t like to read.”Report

Anna
Anna
6 years ago

– “I am in a crisis, kind of; I face some important life choices but I don’t know which way to go. So what’s your advise?”
– Non-philosophers who try very hard to say smart philosophical things in order to impress me (?!)
– “So, what’s the paradigm of our days? I think it’s technology.”
The favourite philosopher or philosophy question is a classic, it seems.Report

Eddy Nahmias
6 years ago

Me too!… Not as my job.
[sorry if it was done already. And sorry it’s 6 words, dammit]Report

Sylvia
6 years ago

“So, you bring out the philosophies?”
This was an actual question from my hairdresser. (What does that even mean: does she think I am the source of those positive thinking quotes on Facebook, or something?)

On the other hand, going to the dentist was worse when I still worked in physics. Apparently, most dentists do _not_ remember their mandatory physics courses fondly. 😉Report

MJ
MJ
6 years ago

will you open a philosophy store?
but there’s no morality without God
huh? people really still do that?
that sounds so post-modern…
if a tree falls in the woods…
right on, cognito ergo soon
Groucho?
you must be like so deepReport

A wise philosopher
A wise philosopher
6 years ago

I’m shocked at the number of philosophers who either cannot follow clearly delineated rules or cannot count to five.Report

Richard Hanley
Richard Hanley
6 years ago

My favorite expression? “Epistemic closure.”Report

JohnMaul
JohnMaul
6 years ago

“This reminds me of Buddhism”Report

lori
6 years ago

who says ‘bro’ on a date? lolReport

Wm. of Baskerville
6 years ago

Do philosophers actually earn money?Report

GVG
GVG
6 years ago

Bertrand Russell walks into a bar with a toad on his head, and the bartender says ….Report

Hudson
Hudson
6 years ago

“I’d like fries with that.”Report

Dark side of the sun
Dark side of the sun
6 years ago

I’m more into lacanian topology.Report

Erin
Erin
5 years ago

so, are you a believer?
I was watching Ancient Aliens…
Report

Dj
Dj
5 years ago

Sir/Ma’am, we’d like our check.Report

Nick
Nick
5 years ago

If they can fit it in 5 words – literally anything taking economics seriously as an approach to value, ethics, or human behaviour.

They gave a guy a Nobel Prize in Economics for figuring out that people aren’t entirely rational, for chrissake. Literally thousands of years after philosophers worked it out.Report