Ruin a Date with a Philosopher in 5 Words


The Chronicle of Higher Education reports on a recent twitter tag: #RuinADateWithAnAcademicInFiveWords. There are a few philosophers chiming in. One of the best so far: @Ethicistforhire with “Doesn’t science make philosophy obsolete?

I think this calls for a Ruin A Date With A Philosopher in 5 Words thread.

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BrokePhilosopher
BrokePhilosopher
9 years ago

Who reads Hegel any more?

Christopher Hitchcock
9 years ago

Philosophy? I’m into Ayn Rand.

genius
genius
9 years ago

Let me see your hands

SCM
SCM
9 years ago

“So what is your philosophy?”

Kristopher
Kristopher
9 years ago

“That’s just true for you.”

Jonathan Ichikawa
9 years ago

Are you analyzing me now?

anongrad
anongrad
9 years ago

“Well, it’s all relative anyway.”

Nada Gligorov
Nada Gligorov
9 years ago

What does a philosopher actually do?

anongrad2
anongrad2
9 years ago

“That’s only true for you.”

Alan White
Alan White
9 years ago

You walk on slippery rocks?

anongrad3
anongrad3
9 years ago

“Philosophy? That’s like magic, right?” (I actually got this once…)

A wise philosopher
A wise philosopher
9 years ago

“I love reading Daily Nous.”

Minh Nguyen
Minh Nguyen
9 years ago

Why are you into witchcraft?

m k
m k
9 years ago

And You’re Supposedly A Psychologist

Rich Booher
Rich Booher
9 years ago

“I loved psychology in college”

mrd
mrd
9 years ago

No thanks, I don’t drink.

Richard Hanley
Richard Hanley
9 years ago

But that begs the question…

Alastair Norcross
9 years ago

So, what’s it all about? (A cabdriver once asked Bertrand Russell this)

anon grad
anon grad
9 years ago

“I’m a professional philosopher, too!”

Anon Grad Student
Anon Grad Student
9 years ago

“What’s the meaning of life?”

Sherri Lynn Conklin
9 years ago

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate…”

uh no
uh no
9 years ago

“Really? Tell me your sayings!”

anonymous
anonymous
9 years ago

“You’re in private practice, right?”

Nick
Nick
9 years ago

I thought you’d be weirder.

@BerlinianFox
@BerlinianFox
9 years ago

“The study of fossils, right?” (Yes, someone did actually say this to me once.)

Mark Alfano
9 years ago

So, you’re a barista, then?

Anon
Anon
9 years ago

“So you’re a preacher, right?”

Thomas Jacobi
Thomas Jacobi
9 years ago

Everyone is a philosopher, kinda

Ordinal
Ordinal
9 years ago

You better be absolutely sure.

JT
JT
9 years ago

“My personal philosophy is _______________.”

Andrew
Andrew
9 years ago

Let’s talk about Žižek’s latest!

David Morgan
David Morgan
9 years ago

“Cool, I’m an atheist too.”

Anne Pollok
9 years ago

There’s this joke about Kant (fill in whatever philosopher comes to mind that you actually cherish)….

Daniel Silvermint
Daniel Silvermint
9 years ago

“What ‘research’? You read books!”

Dale Miller
9 years ago

“Jesus is my favorite philosopher.”

Rebecca Kukla
Rebecca Kukla
9 years ago

I am on a spiritual journey.

Rebecca Kukla
Rebecca Kukla
9 years ago

So are you an adjunct?

mm
mm
9 years ago

That’s defamation per se!

Rebecca Kukla
Rebecca Kukla
9 years ago

So do you have tenure?

Rebecca Kukla
Rebecca Kukla
9 years ago

What philosophers do you study/like?

E
E
9 years ago

Do you the Philosopher’s Song?

E
E
9 years ago

You know the Philosopher’s Song?

Daniel Silvermint
Daniel Silvermint
9 years ago

“Define ‘sort of a doctor’…?”

John Protevi
John Protevi
9 years ago

“We need a new metablog”

E Springer
E Springer
9 years ago

Ethics, that’s what’s missing nowadays…

Anonymous
Anonymous
9 years ago

I’m a big fan of John Protevi!

aaa
aaa
9 years ago

Wanna join the Genius Project?

Anon
Anon
9 years ago

Oh, I self-published a book of my own philosophy.

Anonymous
Anonymous
9 years ago

You mean chakras and stuff?

Glenn
9 years ago

Upworthy really makes me think.

Evan
Evan
9 years ago

“Have you read The Secret?”

lAaron Garrett
lAaron Garrett
9 years ago

I dig astrology too!

AnonGrad
AnonGrad
9 years ago

Why would this ruin a date?

Nick Byrd
9 years ago

So you’ve read Eckhart Tolle?
So you’ve read Deepak Chopra?
So you’ve read Wendell Berry?
So you’ve read ________________?

Charles Malone
Charles Malone
9 years ago

“Like to hear yourself talk?”

Ed
Ed
9 years ago

So. Many. Times.

John Protevi
John Protevi
9 years ago

“Do you even lift bro?”

Marnina
9 years ago

Who is your favourite philosopher?

FindX
FindX
9 years ago

Philosophy? I watch Youtube too!

dmg
dmg
9 years ago

“I thought they’re all dead” or “Wait, people still do that?”

Litsch
9 years ago

Well, so, you’re studying psychology, right?

Konrad Talmont-Kaminski
Konrad Talmont-Kaminski
9 years ago

Oh, I just love Coehlo!

Julian
Julian
9 years ago

oh that’s cool … (awkward silence, person doesnt know what else to say)

Mk71
9 years ago

“So you’re into theories, hunh?

Erik
Erik
9 years ago

“Huh. Confucius says, ‘check please!'”

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
9 years ago

Asking questions you can’t answer?

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
9 years ago

“philosophy, right, that’s really deep”

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
9 years ago

…but you can’t prove philosophy

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
9 years ago

“…it’s all just made up”

Heraclitus
Heraclitus
9 years ago

or to really get things fired up “philosophy? but that’s just bullshit!”

aanonn
aanonn
9 years ago

Who should pay for this?

Joshua Miller
9 years ago

So where’s your TED talk?

Christopher Gillen
Christopher Gillen
9 years ago

“The Bible is my philosophy.”

Antonio Reyes
Antonio Reyes
9 years ago

Heidegger? Yes, he was Nazi

algol
algol
9 years ago

So tell me about Nietzsche.

anonycat
anonycat
9 years ago

Don’tcha recognize me from class?

Dale Miller
9 years ago

Do you like L. Ron Hubbard? (I got this one once from a mechanic as he was driving me from the shop to my office. I considered opening the door and tumbling out into traffic.)

Brian
Brian
9 years ago

OK, but what’s your career?

Dr. Strangelove
Dr. Strangelove
9 years ago

How many students are you dating?

Dr. Strangelove
Dr. Strangelove
9 years ago

I’m really into metaphysics too. Have you read Ken Wilber?

Daniel Fincke
9 years ago

“Like Pilates and Aristotle, right?” (this was actually said to me)

newfie931
newfie931
9 years ago

Doctor of Philosophy in philosophy?

Stephen Wright
9 years ago

“I’m really into the supernatural”

caiopcpaiva
caiopcpaiva
9 years ago

“So, what am I thinking?”

Hryzunik
Hryzunik
9 years ago

If that’s what makes you happy…

MGaerlan
MGaerlan
9 years ago

“Dawkins said philosophy is dead”

Ben
Ben
9 years ago

“Is that a proper job?”

Hryzunik
Hryzunik
9 years ago

“If that makes you happy…” philosophers can’t even count…

Dan Linford
Dan Linford
9 years ago

“What’s that useful for?”
“Don’t you know that only academics read journals? Why would write things no one reads?”
“I hated philosophy in college.”
“I tried reading some philosophy once. I didn’t like it because they made too many Assumptions.”
“Lawrence Krauss and Stephen Hawking have shown that philosophy is all obselete bullshit.”
“What’s your personal philosophy?”
“It’s all just relative.”
“I think that ethics is like having preferences for different pairs of socks.” (After telling someone that I teach ethics.)
“You don’t have data; you’re not doing research.”
“Why would you want to be in school for so long? It’s so pointless and costs so much money.”

come on
come on
9 years ago

“Can you count to five?”

SLH
SLH
9 years ago

“Metaphyics? I’m a shaman, myself.”

Grace
9 years ago

“Have you seen The Matrix?”

Austin Baker
Austin Baker
9 years ago

You sit around thinking, right?

John Appleby
John Appleby
9 years ago

Derrida, Russell – Same thing, right?

Amy
Amy
9 years ago

“I hate arguments and debates.”

Plato
Plato
9 years ago

So you believe in truth.

Plato
Plato
9 years ago

You’re obviously an ethical person.

Plato
Plato
9 years ago

So you are very wise.

Beth
9 years ago

“I love reading the early analytics!”

DRS
DRS
9 years ago

So you do drugs, then?

Anon.
9 years ago

Oh yeah? Tell me my future. (I got this once from someone who thought philosophers were the same as psychics.)

James Woodbridge
James Woodbridge
9 years ago

“Logic? We already deconstructed that.”

Robin
Robin
9 years ago

Well, it IS Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in England…..

Norman
Norman
9 years ago

Wait. What’s research in philosophy?

Brian
Brian
9 years ago

I guess I’m buying dinner?

James Woodbridge
James Woodbridge
9 years ago

“Well, maybe in YOUR reality…”

Pants
Pants
9 years ago

I hated philosophy in college.

Julie
Julie
9 years ago

Wow, that’s a big moneymaker.
Oh wow! What’s your philosophy?
Oh wow! I love Freud/Ayn Rand/etc.!

antoinette
antoinette
9 years ago

I’m a Sagittarius…and you?

Chris Frey
Chris Frey
9 years ago

i love their lip gloss

Mike
Mike
9 years ago

Ed Wilson said philosophy’s finished.

Daniel Fincke
9 years ago

“Are there any living philosophers?”

dubitabam
dubitabam
9 years ago

I don’t believe you exist

Jeff Zavadil
Jeff Zavadil
9 years ago

Neuroscience makes philosophy obsolete, right?

Lydia
Lydia
9 years ago

“What’s the meaning of life?”

Patrick Beach
Patrick Beach
9 years ago

If you can’t do, teach!

Nancy Bauer
Nancy Bauer
9 years ago

You must be so smart!

aanonn
aanonn
9 years ago

Usually I date successful men.

PPC
PPC
9 years ago

Responses I’ve actually gotten when I’ve told someone I’m studying philosophy:

“I’m really into magic crystals.”

“What’s your relationship with Jesus?”

Pumping Iron
9 years ago

“Look at you, you have no muscles!”

Eva Dadlez
Eva Dadlez
9 years ago

“But everyone’s a philosopher, right?”
(Real quote from an administrator. To which I responded “Yes, but some of you are amateurs.”)

Carl
Carl
9 years ago

So which philosopher do you follow?

Gowtham
Gowtham
9 years ago

You’re a hedonist doing philosophy!?

michaela
michaela
9 years ago

“Do you know David Chalmers??”

Ricky G
Ricky G
9 years ago

You must be SO deep.

Anon
Anon
9 years ago

So, what are your sayings?

Dora
Dora
9 years ago

“It’s all an illusion, just stop thinking.”

Wolf
Wolf
9 years ago

Are you a Rationalist?

Wolf
Wolf
9 years ago

Is it worth the income?

Zara
Zara
9 years ago

I really like philosophy blogs.

Morton Winston
Morton Winston
9 years ago

Tell me, what IS the meaning of life?

Charles Pigden
9 years ago

Annoying on so many levels, one being that Dawkins almost certainly never said this.

Neil G
Neil G
9 years ago

“When was the wheel invented?” (Got this once from a dentist)

Criss
Criss
9 years ago

Let’s just agree to disagree…

Alfred
9 years ago

“I don’t like to read.”

Anna
Anna
9 years ago

– “I am in a crisis, kind of; I face some important life choices but I don’t know which way to go. So what’s your advise?”
– Non-philosophers who try very hard to say smart philosophical things in order to impress me (?!)
– “So, what’s the paradigm of our days? I think it’s technology.”
The favourite philosopher or philosophy question is a classic, it seems.

Eddy Nahmias
9 years ago

Me too!… Not as my job.
[sorry if it was done already. And sorry it’s 6 words, dammit]

Sylvia
9 years ago

“So, you bring out the philosophies?”
This was an actual question from my hairdresser. (What does that even mean: does she think I am the source of those positive thinking quotes on Facebook, or something?)

On the other hand, going to the dentist was worse when I still worked in physics. Apparently, most dentists do _not_ remember their mandatory physics courses fondly. 😉

MJ
MJ
9 years ago

will you open a philosophy store?
but there’s no morality without God
huh? people really still do that?
that sounds so post-modern…
if a tree falls in the woods…
right on, cognito ergo soon
Groucho?
you must be like so deep

A wise philosopher
A wise philosopher
9 years ago

I’m shocked at the number of philosophers who either cannot follow clearly delineated rules or cannot count to five.

Richard Hanley
Richard Hanley
9 years ago

My favorite expression? “Epistemic closure.”

JohnMaul
JohnMaul
9 years ago

“This reminds me of Buddhism”

lori
9 years ago

who says ‘bro’ on a date? lol

Wm. of Baskerville
9 years ago

Do philosophers actually earn money?

GVG
GVG
9 years ago

Bertrand Russell walks into a bar with a toad on his head, and the bartender says ….

Hudson
Hudson
9 years ago

“I’d like fries with that.”

Dark side of the sun
Dark side of the sun
9 years ago

I’m more into lacanian topology.

Erin
Erin
8 years ago

so, are you a believer?
I was watching Ancient Aliens…

Dj
Dj
8 years ago

Sir/Ma’am, we’d like our check.

Nick
Nick
8 years ago

If they can fit it in 5 words – literally anything taking economics seriously as an approach to value, ethics, or human behaviour.

They gave a guy a Nobel Prize in Economics for figuring out that people aren’t entirely rational, for chrissake. Literally thousands of years after philosophers worked it out.