Do You Want to Date a Philosopher?
We’ve all dated a dude in academia and, yes, that mysterious air of “think of all these deep, important, bookish things that he knows” can be intoxicating at first. His vague condescension can even be a turn-on, in the right context. But cut to six months later when you’re hungover, blearily sharing a plate of hash browns at the Waffle House he deeply feels is beneath him, and you’re trying to tune him out while he corrects you on the correct pronunciation of a French author’s name.
That’s from the “academia” section of a widely-shared Thought Catolog piece titled “6 Professions That Produce the Worst Boyfriends.” It reminds me of a recent discussion about the dating preferences of philosophers, in particular whether philosophers prefer to date other philosophers. Such a topic is silly, bordering on prurient, and thus perfect for the Friday of a slow philosophy news week in the middle of the summer. So come on, everybody, let’s do an internet poll!
[polldaddy poll=8206832]
Are there academics somewhere who are “paying upwards of 50k a year for the privilege of providing indentured servant labor for a private university.” Is the next trend in exploitation charging graduate students tuition for their teaching assistant positions?
Many decades ago (1980s), when I got my philosophy PhD at Michigan (I’m a lawyer now), TA’s were charged a reduced tuition rate of $2K+/- out of out $8K+/- wages. I can’t recall how much outstate tuition was, but I made a point of not going to a school where I’d have to pay them (net) instead of vice versa. And we were unionized. Later I heard the union won a complete tuition waiver. And even in the the 1980s, and even in Michigan, $6k didn’t go far.
I for one am relieved that wife is not a philosopher, although I have a hard time articulating why.
I can’t take the survey because it doesn’t have the answer I would give, which is “I swore I would never in a million years date another philosopher, right up until I started dating the one I’ve now been partnered with for 7+ years.”
While there are many positives about dating a philosopher (or at least someone who “gets” what I do), there is no way I would. The climate is such that it is approaching irrationality to engage in romantic overtures with women in the profession. I care more about my career than I do about pursuing a romantic relationship with someone in the profession. The sea it too full of fish to pursue a relationship in a culture where “creep-shaming” is an accepted form of treating men who make good faith efforts to date professional colleagues.
Translation: Sorry ladies! Your demands to be treated fairly and respectfully in the workplace, and your outrage at sexual harassment and assault means you’ll be missing out on my lovin’.
Wow. That is some ace trolling.
Oddly enough, my wife, a philosopher, didn’t find my romantic pursuit of her creepy since it was prefaced by friendship, respect for her as an intellectual peer (if not superior!), and confirming verbally and via reading of social cues that there was mutual interest and the “pursuit” was consensual and reciprocal.
I think this is also a good strategy outside of academia, too.
I can’t think of a single case where someone in the profession has gotten in trouble *simply* for politely asking someone of the same professional rank as them out. Can you?
To answer the question in the headline: No.
About half of the answers are negative. A lot of philosophers trying to convince themselves that they’re cooler or nicer or more urbane than their fellow philosophers, or so it seems to me. Plus, you gotta love the opening line of the quoted portion: “We’ve all dated a dude in academia…” Not even the pretense of class-inclusiveness; she’s talking straight to the Wes Anderson demographic.
Am I to read this de re or de dicto?
I’m just going to leave this here: http://fauxphilnews.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/psychologists-search-the-philosophical-mind-for-bullshit-detector-find-friendship-deterrence-system-instead/
That fauxphilnews story made my wife laugh even more than me.
It made me wince at memories of my (I hope!) former self.
I will date a man if and only if he’s a philosopher. E = (triple bar) P
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. “Did that sex we just had really happen? How do you know for sure?” Etc………
I have been married twice to historians with philosophical interests (first marriage ended in my wife’s death from cancer, second still very much a going concern). This has been ideal for me as a philosopher working in the history of philosophy. We are different enough that we always have new things to share with each other intellectually, and we are similar enough that we want to share them. We can both be challenged and we can both learn, but there isn’t the danger of some fundamental disciplinary disagreement disrupting domestic tranquility!
Relateable