Philosophers of Food (Friday Fun)
Think of a philosopher. Now think of that philosopher’s signature food, named in honor of said philosopher. What is it called and what is it like?
examples:
Derek Parfait – amazingly large ice cream sundae, served with a very very tiny spoon, for your total enjoyment.
Peppermint Patty Churchland – this mouthwatering confection will leave you speechless, mainly because when you eat it you lose the ability to use words like “delicious” or “exciting” or “refreshing” meaningfully.
Pop Hart – kids just won’t listen when they’re hungry; make ’em a Pop Hart and once they’re snacking on this toaster pastry you can bet they’ll recognize your authority to tell them what to do.
Go!
David Pears. Hard to bite into but full of nutrition.
Jack Smarties. Candy you can’t believe.
Tootsie Rawls. To be eaten only behind a plain paper wrapper.
Hegels and Lockes. Contradictions are overcome in this breakfast of champions.
SocraTeas – unique beverages that seemingly cannot be refused, despite leaving the people who drink them thirstier than they were before.
Oh my goodness… I LOVE “Jack Smarties”! Brilliant.
Leiter Fluid — adds heat to any dish.
HaberSauce: Spice up any food you can justify eating.
Charles Bites: For a taste of the international.
The Big Mackie: we’ve been brought up to find this queer burger delicious… but it’s not really.
G.E.M. AnScone – a small cake-like bread with lots of raspberries, shaped to have a clear direction of fit into your mouth. So good that when you intend to have only one, but have seven instead, we won’t blame you.
Harry Frankfurters — other hot dogs may satisfy your first-order desires, but listen to your second-order desire and don’t settle for anything less than a genuine Harry Frankfurter. And that’s not bullshit.
Harman-Cheese Sandwich: we think the flavor is in the meal, but it’s actually in us. Pairs particularly well with a side of Eggs Ruth Benedict, and a pint of Margaret Mead.
Waldronf Salad – a salad made from apples, walnuts, celery, mayonnaise, and other ingredients that no one is allowed to say anything hateful about.
G.A. Cone – we don’t get paid any extra to do it, but we work hard to make sure that everyone can get some of our delicious fact-free ice cream.
Roger Bacon – a medieval English philosopher and Franciscan friar known for teaching the works of Aristotle and for his interest in science and optics, dry-rubbed and hickory-smoked.
Christopher’s Kutz- the finest cuts of organic grain-fed beef, farmed by those who conceived of their actions as contributing to their overlapping end of farming.
Ayn Rind: The hard, inedible exterior of an otherwise edible fruit or vegetable. You want something edible? Go grow it yourself!
William of Hoc-Ham: Simple beautiful meat dish that may not completely satisfy.
David Hummus: Dip anything you have into it; so overwhelming you won’t know the difference anyway.
Baby Ruth Bark N’ Marv’lous: It’s actually impossible to not enjoy this sweet confection of the familiar and sublime.
Lucky Chalmers. Whether or not you enjoy them, you can be sure that they’re enjoying themselves.
Pad Tye – Introspect on your experience of this phenomenal dish, and you’ll find yourself reflecting on the properties of the noodles themselves. (For optimal transparency, prepare with glass noodles.)
Hans Kampellini d’angelo – Every linguist who tries a plate loves it.
Red Beans and Grice, prepared by intending that others recognize your intention to prepare it.
Devlined Eggs, which are sinfully delicious — and thus may be legitimately criminalized, even if no one is harmed by anyone’s eating them.
Philippa’s Foot- longs: the best of their kind, everything a dog should be!